Wow, I feel so much better with those photos in the previous post back down to a manageable size. Well, it has been a long time since I posted. I was trying to get a new all art blog started so that I can start posting art stuff there and hopefully have a little mini-portfolio for people who want to look over past projects. I have one annoying, nat-like problem that is about to make me go CRAZY. It is a small gray box that appears around my text--so for those of you who know things about xanga please tell me how to get rid of it. Here is that link: http://eencart.xanga.com/weblog/ If I can't figure it out soon, I am going to start over with a new theme and then edit it to death.
Anyway, as for the rest of my life I have made myself very busy and I am not very happy about it. I have been listening to books and lectures and lectures about books and I feel a lot like I am missing about half of the most important things that I should be doing with my life. One of these such things is reading important books. I feel so uneducated sometimes and I don't think that I can ever produce great art unless I am thinking about great ideas, or at least good ideas.
Unfortunately I am drowning in debt from school loans and I cant think about anything but money. It is especially annoying that we are drowning even though we planned, and tried to be responsible, and took the advise of older and wiser people. Sigh. Anyway, back to thinking about money. Basically I have a bunch of things I need to do: I need to get a art website up for advertising, I need to get my craft-art-stuff up online so I can sell it, I need to do research about good art and good books and good ideas so that I will not become the thing that I fear the most: the local artist who produces mediocre art for background noise in homes and offices. I don't want to produce elevator music art--meaningless, mediocre, craft with no heart. But before I do any of those other things, I need to make MONEY.
Anyhow, that puts me where I am right now. I keep thinking about getting a real job and giving up all this for now, but that doesn't make financial sense either since I spent a lot of time and money investing in classes and materials and fees. So instead I keep working, working, working to try to have enough art to put in new galleries and shops so that I can pay the bills. Production, numbers, quantity is all that matters. Go! go! go! is all I can think about. Unfortunately, my production is awful because I don't know what will sell. I spend a while sewing and then when it doesn't sell I make a few bowls and then talk to a friend who makes bowls that aren't selling and so I drop that too. I move from cards, to hot pads, to paintings, to tea-pots, to cool new lighting, to assemblage work, to small-scale sculptural fabric stuff.
And then, after I have run myself into the ground, I look around at the unproductive mess and decide to clean the house, to make a healthy dinner, to go swim some laps, and then curl up on the couch with a mountain of guilt crushing down on my soul and take a nap.
"And you see, it all comes down to tuppence"
--Mary Poppins
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